I can hardly believe I'm 32 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow (Monday)! We're in the home stretch and now that things are becoming more real I'm having a harder time overcoming my fears. Most days I just feel completely overwhelmed and tired. I know I should just let it go and let things happen as they will but it's so hard. I've been getting lots of work which helps to distract me, but I'm really dreading medical appointments now because it forces me face the situation. I tried talking to a TGA mom who had gone through all this last year... but it didn't help at all. There were a lot of complications and issues with her son and so I think it actually did more harm than good. I don't know what helps any more. It's like numb is the only "emotion" I can handle these days. Not to say everything is terrible. It's not! I'm in great health, things are going well for the most part, but I'm scared and I don't know how to process all the emotions I'm going through. I have lots of support, but I'm still struggling. My escape has been the gym; a place release some tension and force my mind to over come a physical challenge for change.
Monday was a LONG day. I worked as a Central Poll Supervisor for Elections Canada which I knew would be a long day, but I didn't anticipate how long. It seemed like I'd be working 7am-10:30pm, but I didn't realize I'd also have a bunch of advance polls coming back to my location for the count as well. So with 9 polling stations to oversee and a high voter turn out I didn't finish until 1am! When I got into the head office to deliver the results of my polls they all started clapping! Apparently they had been taking bets on whether I'd go into labour during the election. lol. I definitely thought I might at one point when I had intense Braxton Hicks for a solid 3 hours in the afternoon. But thankfully I made! I definitely did not bring enough food for the day though and was so tired and hungry at the end of the day I was feeling very nauseous and dizzy. Being on my feet for almost 18 hours straight did not help either. And by the time I got home I had so much adrenaline pumping that I couldn't fall asleep. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 4am. So I called in sick for the work the next day knowing that there was just no way I was going to make it through a full day of teaching on that little sleep. And I'm glad I did because when I woke up in the morning I had a stuffy nose and was still very dizzy and nauseous. So I took it easy the rest of the day, napping off and on between cooking and chores to recover.
Thursday I had an OBGYN appointment. It was quick this time which was nice but I also left feeling frustrated again. When I got there they made me do a bunch of paper work and then realized they already had me on file and didn't need all the extra paper work they had just made me do. This doesn't inspire a lot of confidence, and made me realize that I need to really make sure that when I go into labour that they know exactly who I am and what my baby is going to require. I can't risk any confusion when my baby needs special care.
They also gave me a handout to complete asking about my stress levels and if I was suffering from any domestic violence. I'm definitely not handling the stress very well right now but I really didn't want to tell them that, so I just said I was fine knowing I have people who I trust and who care about me who are helping me.
The appointment itself was ok. Apparently I passed the glucose test with flying colours, my blood count is very good, my blood pressure is fantastic, I'm small but I'm growing, and baby seems to be in a good position now with his bum right up at the top. It's kind of neat because you can actually feel his bum, head and back by touching my belly. He likes to lie at the front so all the features are very distinguishable. But the OB made a comment about how small my bump is and now I feel self-conscious that I don't look the way I'm supposed to. I don't know how to make my belly bigger though!
And now we get another full week off before the next appointment. In a couple weeks Chris will be coming with me for a full day of appointments with the cardiologist for an echocardiogram, a neonatologist, another fetal assessment with several doctors present, a visit to the NICU in Winnipeg, and meetings with social workers to discuss how the travel plans will work out. That's going to be a heavy day so I'm extremely grateful to have Chris with me for all of that. Until then, it's business as usual. We've been compiling a long list a of detailed questions to bring with us too and getting input from family and friends on what kinds of questions we should be asking. And if any mom's out there have been through an extended NICU experience I'd love some tips and suggestions on what to expect, how to prepare, and how to cope! (Thank God for Pinterest!)
Monday was a LONG day. I worked as a Central Poll Supervisor for Elections Canada which I knew would be a long day, but I didn't anticipate how long. It seemed like I'd be working 7am-10:30pm, but I didn't realize I'd also have a bunch of advance polls coming back to my location for the count as well. So with 9 polling stations to oversee and a high voter turn out I didn't finish until 1am! When I got into the head office to deliver the results of my polls they all started clapping! Apparently they had been taking bets on whether I'd go into labour during the election. lol. I definitely thought I might at one point when I had intense Braxton Hicks for a solid 3 hours in the afternoon. But thankfully I made! I definitely did not bring enough food for the day though and was so tired and hungry at the end of the day I was feeling very nauseous and dizzy. Being on my feet for almost 18 hours straight did not help either. And by the time I got home I had so much adrenaline pumping that I couldn't fall asleep. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 4am. So I called in sick for the work the next day knowing that there was just no way I was going to make it through a full day of teaching on that little sleep. And I'm glad I did because when I woke up in the morning I had a stuffy nose and was still very dizzy and nauseous. So I took it easy the rest of the day, napping off and on between cooking and chores to recover.
Thursday I had an OBGYN appointment. It was quick this time which was nice but I also left feeling frustrated again. When I got there they made me do a bunch of paper work and then realized they already had me on file and didn't need all the extra paper work they had just made me do. This doesn't inspire a lot of confidence, and made me realize that I need to really make sure that when I go into labour that they know exactly who I am and what my baby is going to require. I can't risk any confusion when my baby needs special care.
They also gave me a handout to complete asking about my stress levels and if I was suffering from any domestic violence. I'm definitely not handling the stress very well right now but I really didn't want to tell them that, so I just said I was fine knowing I have people who I trust and who care about me who are helping me.
The appointment itself was ok. Apparently I passed the glucose test with flying colours, my blood count is very good, my blood pressure is fantastic, I'm small but I'm growing, and baby seems to be in a good position now with his bum right up at the top. It's kind of neat because you can actually feel his bum, head and back by touching my belly. He likes to lie at the front so all the features are very distinguishable. But the OB made a comment about how small my bump is and now I feel self-conscious that I don't look the way I'm supposed to. I don't know how to make my belly bigger though!
And now we get another full week off before the next appointment. In a couple weeks Chris will be coming with me for a full day of appointments with the cardiologist for an echocardiogram, a neonatologist, another fetal assessment with several doctors present, a visit to the NICU in Winnipeg, and meetings with social workers to discuss how the travel plans will work out. That's going to be a heavy day so I'm extremely grateful to have Chris with me for all of that. Until then, it's business as usual. We've been compiling a long list a of detailed questions to bring with us too and getting input from family and friends on what kinds of questions we should be asking. And if any mom's out there have been through an extended NICU experience I'd love some tips and suggestions on what to expect, how to prepare, and how to cope! (Thank God for Pinterest!)
BUMP-DATE
I've finally reached a point where strangers are comfortable congratulating me on my pregnancy rather than eyeing my belly suspiciously wondering whether I'm just cubby. lol. My bump still isn't huge, but from what they've told me he's still measuring at the right size so things should be fine. I definitely feel very pregnant this week though. For the first time I'm experiences some acid reflux, so I've been adjusting by eating smaller portions at more regular intervals rather than 4 more moderate meals throughout the day. Can't say it's working perfectly, but it's definitely helping.
And working out is changing too. I'm finding I'm short of breath and my body is not re-oxygenating my blood as quickly or efficiently as before so I can't go as hard and I get tired much more quickly. I'm finding I'm not even sweating as much as normal because my muscles are ready to go for some serious cardio but my lunges can't keep up so I have to go at a much more gentle pace. I do find that I sleep better on the days that I've had a good workout though, and I'm not as sore when I workout. I've been placing a lot of emphasis on maintaining as much cardio as possible and weight-training for my back and legs. Because my ligaments are all relaxing due to the pregnancy it feels like my muscles are tightening to protect my body from basically falling apart. So I'm definitely noticing reduced mobility and stiffness/loss of flexibility, but strengthening my back and legs to keep my posture in check has been helping to ward off the aches and pains that I've read are common during pregnancy. And yoga! Oh my goodness does it ever help! Especially balancing poses. Because my body is changing so quickly the balancing poses have really helped me stay connected with my body and have helped me adjust my equilibrium to my new and changing centre of gravity. I haven't been going to classes but I've been practicing some flow and static poses at home on my own which has really helped.
Fun fact, my de-stress-music-jam right now... Vince Guaraldi Trio. lol. It's jazz trio charts written by the guy who did the music for old school Charlie Brown. I don't know why, but that's been my go to music to take my mind off things lately.
I've finally reached a point where strangers are comfortable congratulating me on my pregnancy rather than eyeing my belly suspiciously wondering whether I'm just cubby. lol. My bump still isn't huge, but from what they've told me he's still measuring at the right size so things should be fine. I definitely feel very pregnant this week though. For the first time I'm experiences some acid reflux, so I've been adjusting by eating smaller portions at more regular intervals rather than 4 more moderate meals throughout the day. Can't say it's working perfectly, but it's definitely helping.
And working out is changing too. I'm finding I'm short of breath and my body is not re-oxygenating my blood as quickly or efficiently as before so I can't go as hard and I get tired much more quickly. I'm finding I'm not even sweating as much as normal because my muscles are ready to go for some serious cardio but my lunges can't keep up so I have to go at a much more gentle pace. I do find that I sleep better on the days that I've had a good workout though, and I'm not as sore when I workout. I've been placing a lot of emphasis on maintaining as much cardio as possible and weight-training for my back and legs. Because my ligaments are all relaxing due to the pregnancy it feels like my muscles are tightening to protect my body from basically falling apart. So I'm definitely noticing reduced mobility and stiffness/loss of flexibility, but strengthening my back and legs to keep my posture in check has been helping to ward off the aches and pains that I've read are common during pregnancy. And yoga! Oh my goodness does it ever help! Especially balancing poses. Because my body is changing so quickly the balancing poses have really helped me stay connected with my body and have helped me adjust my equilibrium to my new and changing centre of gravity. I haven't been going to classes but I've been practicing some flow and static poses at home on my own which has really helped.
Fun fact, my de-stress-music-jam right now... Vince Guaraldi Trio. lol. It's jazz trio charts written by the guy who did the music for old school Charlie Brown. I don't know why, but that's been my go to music to take my mind off things lately.