And after looking at all the options, while we do love renovations, we opted to move 15 minutes outside the city to a town called Niverville. Chris had grown up in a town nearby and had actually graduated from Niverville High School, so we already had connections in the town and were so impressed by how far our dollar would stretch in this town. But, with our current house selling in such a record time we hadn't even finished getting the building permits for our new house yet. That meant asking my parents VERY NICELY if we could PLEASE stay with them... for 6 months. Fortunately they agreed, and while it wasn't without it's challenges (that's a LOT of people with a LOT of schedules in one house), it was exactly what we needed, or rather exactly what I needed at that time.
So now our little boy who had been DAYS away from crawling now couldn't completely lie down without the cast digging into his back (which meant he didn't sleep), sit up without a million pillows propping him up, or really move. You couldn't put him down anywhere. He had to be carried basically at all times. You couldn't put a normal diaper on him, you had to wedge it up inside the cast, wrap a larger one over top of the cast, and pray he didn't explode. We couldn't give him a proper bath, and none of his pants fit, so we had to buy 18 month pants to fit over top of his cast (he was only 6 months). James is a very determined little boy though and before those LONG 10 weeks were over he had figured out how to roll over by throwing his weight into the cast, and dragged around the cast like a zombie. His upper body strength REALLY improved lol.
As for financial stress, well, there's the selling/buying a house business, but I also hadn't received any of my maternity or parental benefit from E.I. ... that I had applied for in November 2015. This was a LONG, painful battle that dragged on and on, after dozens and dozens of calls, and even contacting my MP who did nothing to help us, we got our benefits in April 2017. Yes, April 2017. Sigh. So while all this was happening we had that nagging at the back of our heads too.
And their were more changes still! I had accepted a job offer which was a really big deal because in my field of work, they're very hard to come by, particularly permanent contract. But it meant I had to leave my baby when he was only 7 months old. At this point I felt like I had spent more time in the hospital than I had as a mother. It was a very difficult decision because I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mom, but with the financial pressure of building a new house, that just wasn't going to be my reality. Every day I would cry as I drove to work. I felt like I was the worst mother in the world and I was devastated that I was going to miss so many firsts... so many mile stones.
Fortunately, my story doesn't end here. I promised you hope, and grace, and that's exactly what I had been given. Because throughout this whole time three people had my back, talked me off of some scary edges, and helped me find my way back. Chris - my husband, my love, my best friend, my soulmate. Julie - my best girl-friend. Mom - my rock. They never gave up on me. They held on with me and helped me find the help I needed to heal. They supported me and loved me. Quite frankly, they're the reason I'm still alive. And I truly mean that. They saved my life.
I'll be honest, I was mad at God. Why was he doing this to me? What did I do that was so terrible that I would deserve this?! Why did he abandon me? There were no breaks. It was just pain and trials upon pain and trials. I know they say that you're as strong as you need to be in the moment or that God won't let you be tested beyond what you can bear.... but I was definitely NOT strong enough and what I could bear was somewhere back around the FIRST open heart surgery. This I couldn't manage. But God doesn't say that it's what you can bear alone. I didn't realize it at the time, but moving in with my parents during those crucial 6 months gave me extra support with James, and the emotional support of my mom that gave me little moments of rest when my world was falling apart. In my darkest moments, when I had no love to give, Chris quietly, and firmly held me in his arms and waited for me to get better. And Julie... one text and that girl is right by my side, without fail. We don't even have to say anything. We'll just hug while she lets me cry. They were Jesus to me during my darkest moments. They were the loving arms of my heavenly Father. I didn't see it in the moment because I had lost sight of the light, but He was there. He hadn't left me.
Spring is a time for renewal, and it most certainly was that for us this year. We moved into our new home and are loving it. Chris was able to get a new, better paying job. The EI FINALLY came through, one week before our house possession (allowing us to cover closing costs!). James is growing like a weed, has SO much personality (he's a total ham!) and got GOOD NEWS at his last cardiology appointment. In December his pulmonary pressure was sitting around 56mmHg at rest (he was sedated) but in April his elevated rate when he was upset (they didn't sedate him this time) was peaking at 50mmHg! That's not normal from what I understand. From everything we've been told, pulmonary pressure either stays the same, or gets worse... so I don't know if I just misunderstood something or something crazy is going on, but either way I'll take it. His report was so good, we don't even have to go back for another echocardiogram for 6 months! Considering we had been preparing for another surgery this year, this is extremely good news!
And that's where we are. It's been a long and hard road for us, but God IS faithful (even when you're mad at him... ps - I'm still mad at him for putting us through this. I would have preferred NOT being tested like this lol). Now that things are starting to settle for us, I'll probably up-date the blog, just for fun, but I knew I needed to post this first.