It's been yet another busy week so I'm extra thankful for the holiday weekend and the chance to rest. I can't say that it's been an easy week for me. I've had a lot of emotional ups and downs. And while my conscious self usually thinks I'm handling everything just fine and I'm ok with things, my unconscious self doesn't seem to agree as I've been plagued by nightmares most evenings that feel so real it's jarring. Yet despite my growing fears I have been blessed by an incredible support system of friends and family who are their to smile with me as baby kicks and squirms, and wipe my tears as I process things.
One of the highlights of my week would have to be last Sunday. I grew up attending Calvary Temple, a church in downtown Winnipeg and while I haven't attended there in years, my parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins all still attend. And of course I have a lot of what I consider my "extended" family there. Family friends who have known me my whole life and have had a really big impact on my life. My parents are both very involved at the church and have passed along many well wishes and prayers that have been coming from everyone. So I decided to go visit this last Sunday to say hi and thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I cannot begin to tell you how that visit touched my heart. After the service I had so many people come up to tell me they were praying for us and asking if they could pray for me now. I was overwhelmed by their kindness and care and am so grateful for every word and hug. It was a rejuvinating start to a long week.
On Tuesday I went to my last prenatal class before baby arrives. Chris had volleyball so my BFF/"Sister", Julie, came with me. If you live in Winnipeg and are expecting, definitely check out The Nest Family Centre. I cannot stop raving about this place! I have been so impressed by the quality of the classes, the products they sell, and support they offer to expecting and new families. The company is owned and operated by a registered nurse who actually teaches the prenatal classes herself! The detail and depth of the information was incredible, but it's the instructors experience in labor and delivery that is the most helpful. She encouraged questions and was always able to give us specific examples and answers about NICU babies. Like what what kind of pain management options there are for me when since I'm not able to have anything via IV, how to comfort my baby when I can't physically hold him, or how to transition to breastfeeding after being fed through tubes and bottles for so long. I'm actually kind of sad it's done, but I'll definitely be going back for more workshops. Like cloth diapering! Who knew you could be so excited about poop!
Thursday I met my new OBGYN, which was harder than I thought it was going to be. She was very nice, and comes very highly recommended so I know I'm in good hands. It was routine check-up. Everything is measuring the way it should be and I'm healthy as a horse. I did had to do the glucose test for gestational diabetes though, which was not pleasant. I don't generally eat any refined sugar so that super concentrated fructose stuff was nasty, and I'm terrible with needles. I'm such a wimp! And while I didn't pass out, I was not feeling great afterwards. Thank goodness I had my mom with me!
We talked to the nurse there for a while too. She gave me more handouts and books to read, and that was the end of my visit. Went home and I thought I was fine, but by the time Chris got home I realized I wasn't fine. I fell apart. I'm so frustrated by all the bouncing around. Every time I go to a new appointment they don't know how much I know, I don't know how much they know... and things like the glucose test should have been done a while ago but get missed because everyone thinks someone else has already done it with me.
I know I'm receiving great care but I'm so overwhelmed by the inconsistency of it all. They tell me they want things to be as normal as possible from the OBGYN side of things, so then why do I need a new one? I can't establish a relationship with anyone, I feel like no one knows me or our case any more. As soon as I'm comfortable with someone I get bumped to the next person. I wish I could stay with my first OB, my first fetal assessment doctor, and the pediatric cardiologist. I know we're receiving some of the best medical care in the world, so I have no right to complain, and I'm not trying to complain because I am so thankful, but I'm tired, and scared, and consistency would really help things seem more stable and in control. In a situation that is completely out of my control it was nice having some sense of "sameness". Sigh.
But it is thanksgiving and I do have a lot to be thankful for. I've been trying to actively practice an attitude of gratitude and balance my thoughts of fear with thoughts of thanksgiving, but it's not always easy. Right now I have so many things weighing on me it's sometimes difficult not to feel completely drowned, but I know I'm not alone.
"Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything by prayer and petition,
with Thanksgiving,
present your requests to God."
- Philippians 4:6
One of the highlights of my week would have to be last Sunday. I grew up attending Calvary Temple, a church in downtown Winnipeg and while I haven't attended there in years, my parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins all still attend. And of course I have a lot of what I consider my "extended" family there. Family friends who have known me my whole life and have had a really big impact on my life. My parents are both very involved at the church and have passed along many well wishes and prayers that have been coming from everyone. So I decided to go visit this last Sunday to say hi and thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I cannot begin to tell you how that visit touched my heart. After the service I had so many people come up to tell me they were praying for us and asking if they could pray for me now. I was overwhelmed by their kindness and care and am so grateful for every word and hug. It was a rejuvinating start to a long week.
On Tuesday I went to my last prenatal class before baby arrives. Chris had volleyball so my BFF/"Sister", Julie, came with me. If you live in Winnipeg and are expecting, definitely check out The Nest Family Centre. I cannot stop raving about this place! I have been so impressed by the quality of the classes, the products they sell, and support they offer to expecting and new families. The company is owned and operated by a registered nurse who actually teaches the prenatal classes herself! The detail and depth of the information was incredible, but it's the instructors experience in labor and delivery that is the most helpful. She encouraged questions and was always able to give us specific examples and answers about NICU babies. Like what what kind of pain management options there are for me when since I'm not able to have anything via IV, how to comfort my baby when I can't physically hold him, or how to transition to breastfeeding after being fed through tubes and bottles for so long. I'm actually kind of sad it's done, but I'll definitely be going back for more workshops. Like cloth diapering! Who knew you could be so excited about poop!
Thursday I met my new OBGYN, which was harder than I thought it was going to be. She was very nice, and comes very highly recommended so I know I'm in good hands. It was routine check-up. Everything is measuring the way it should be and I'm healthy as a horse. I did had to do the glucose test for gestational diabetes though, which was not pleasant. I don't generally eat any refined sugar so that super concentrated fructose stuff was nasty, and I'm terrible with needles. I'm such a wimp! And while I didn't pass out, I was not feeling great afterwards. Thank goodness I had my mom with me!
We talked to the nurse there for a while too. She gave me more handouts and books to read, and that was the end of my visit. Went home and I thought I was fine, but by the time Chris got home I realized I wasn't fine. I fell apart. I'm so frustrated by all the bouncing around. Every time I go to a new appointment they don't know how much I know, I don't know how much they know... and things like the glucose test should have been done a while ago but get missed because everyone thinks someone else has already done it with me.
I know I'm receiving great care but I'm so overwhelmed by the inconsistency of it all. They tell me they want things to be as normal as possible from the OBGYN side of things, so then why do I need a new one? I can't establish a relationship with anyone, I feel like no one knows me or our case any more. As soon as I'm comfortable with someone I get bumped to the next person. I wish I could stay with my first OB, my first fetal assessment doctor, and the pediatric cardiologist. I know we're receiving some of the best medical care in the world, so I have no right to complain, and I'm not trying to complain because I am so thankful, but I'm tired, and scared, and consistency would really help things seem more stable and in control. In a situation that is completely out of my control it was nice having some sense of "sameness". Sigh.
But it is thanksgiving and I do have a lot to be thankful for. I've been trying to actively practice an attitude of gratitude and balance my thoughts of fear with thoughts of thanksgiving, but it's not always easy. Right now I have so many things weighing on me it's sometimes difficult not to feel completely drowned, but I know I'm not alone.
"Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything by prayer and petition,
with Thanksgiving,
present your requests to God."
- Philippians 4:6
BUMP-DATE:
I'm now 29 weeks along, flipping over to 30 on Thanksgiving Monday. I can't believe I'm almost in the last 10 weeks! I'm definitely finding my energy levels are not what they used to be. And while I've been exceptionally lucky to work full time as a sub, getting full days every day, I'm finding by the end of the day I need a nap before I have the energy to do anything. I'm still getting in my workouts, though the runs are getting slow (still nursing a tender adductor), and my rests between sets are getting a bit longer. And super weird, I've been getting intense calf cramps in the middle of the night. I've been drinking lots of water and I always stretch and practice yoga, but I'm still waking up with painful cramps! Apparently it's a pregnancy thing... but I'm not a fan! haha! But other than that I can't complain. I've had a healthy pregnancy (on my end of things) and have been able to manage most of the aches and pains simply by staying active.