It was our first day home, and I was exhausted. I had very limited time to sleep because we our flight didn’t get in till 11:30pm, I went to check on James at the hospital and had to get back to the hospital at 9am (Winnipeg time - we lost an hour coming home) for rounds. Then getting up every 2 hours to pump in an attempt to relieve some of the pain of the mastitis and the restless, feverish sleep did not help matters. I woke up drenched in sweat and felt like I hadn’t gotten any rest at all. But I needed to be there for my baby, especially since I had to leave during the morning to hopefully see my doctor and have my prescription filled. On the ride over to the hospital with my mom I tried calling my GP. I like my GP, but it is REALLY hard to get through to them on the phone! You call and call and call and PRAY that they’ll actually pick up the phone. Most of the time you just get bumped to an automated message, and they don’t allow you to leave a message or have any sort of call back or call waiting features so you just have to dial them 30 million times to book an appointment. Normally not an issue for me, but I’m really tired, I’ve been through a lot in the past few months, and I just don’t have the patience I used to. Thank goodness, I got through! It was a miracle. lol. Only took me 10 tries! Seriously, you can check my out-going calls on my phone! I gave them the Cole’s Notes version of my situation and they were able to book me in for 11:30. In the meantime we had made it just in time for rounds and got the update on how his transition was going. He had had a restless night and was given one bolus of chloral to settle him during the night, but otherwise his stats looked good. Our neonatologist here wanted to try and see how he’d do with no drugs at all and I was totally on board. At this point I felt like I’d seen my baby doped up more times than I’d see him clear and conscious. But beyond drugs the primary goals were to get to a place where he could have his PICC line removed, establish full feeds then transition to breast, and get cardiology to take care of things on their end. We had a game plan and clear goals. Time to snuggle my baby.
We went to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription and grab some lunch while we waited for the prescription to be filled. When we went back to pick it up I took the opportunity to ask about the breastfeeding. She wasn’t sure so she looked it up, and she too suggested that it wouldn’t be safe. I still wasn’t completely satisfied and decided I’d try really hard not to be upset until I’d spoken with our neonatologist and the pediatric pharmacist in the NICU. Before we left the pharmacist gave me the basics of how/when to take the medication. One tablet every 8 hours for 10 days. Make sure to take it with food and don’t lie down within 30-60 minutes of ingestion. Side effects are nausea, vomiting, and diary diarrhea. I already felt crappy so trading some pain for a bit more discomfort in the short term sounded ok to me. And with that we were headed back to the hospital.
We arrived back at 2pm and it was time to pump. Since I had already taken my first does of the medication and I hadn’t had the chance to ask anyone in the unit yet it was safe to breastfeed or even keep the milk while on the antibiotics I pulled the ol’ “pump and dump”. Once I was back at the bedside my mom headed home to teach her students and I had a few minutes to myself with James before my in-laws showed up for their visit. Earlier that day my nurse had asked if I was still opposed to bottle feeding, and I told her that based on the recommendation I had received from the consultant in Edmonton I’d prefer to stay away from it. She suggested I meet with the lactation consultant here in Winnipeg so of course I agreed and she put in the request. The consultant worked down in Out-Patient at Women’s Hospital and was with some patients at the moment but would be able to come speak with me later that afternoon. Shortly after this Nana and Papa-John showed up for their visit. While they were getting their snuggle time in the lactation consultant came to speak with me. She was super nice and very fresh in all her training since she’d just completed her training the previous year. She heard me out and suggested that perhaps the nipple confusion was more of a myth than reality, and that most babies just show nipple preference. I don’t doubt that this is accurate and I tried to explain to her that the consultant I had worked with in Edmonton wasn’t so concerned about confusion but that my baby in particular was eager to look for instant gratification. He wanted his milk now. If we were to start feeding him with the bottle then he may never want to go back to the breast again because he does have to work for it. At this point I had only been breast feeding for about 3 days and I didn’t want to put myself and the success of our breastfeeding at a disadvantage this soon, particularly after what I’d heard about the antibiotics I’d just started taking. So the consultant here suggested I give it another day or two then reassess. I asked her if she’d stay and help me with a feeding, but she was at the end of her shift so she went to check on when one of her colleagues would be in to help. Turns out one of the other consultants also works as a charge nurse in the NICU and was working that evening! So she left her a note to come work with us at the 8pm feed! Perfect! Now I just had to find out if I was allowed to feed.
I finally caught up with both our neonatologist and the pediatric pharmacist shortly after my conversation with the lactation consultant. I showed them what I was taking and the dosage. Mastitis is certainly not uncommon so it wasn’t like they’d never encountered it before, I just wanted to make sure it would be safe for a heart baby. Both agreed it was totally fine. What a sigh of relief! And with that, it was time for my second feeding practice of the day. Both in the morning and now were very difficult. Between the stress of transport, adjusting to a new place, and no drugs, my baby was one angry little boy. Oh my goodness. I’d been warned to stop trying to feed him when he’s mad because you don’t want him to associate breastfeeding with a negative experience, so neither session lasted long. James and I were both tired, and frustrated, and wearing out really fast.
My in-laws only stayed for about an hour and then switched off with my parents who showed up. This was a special day for the grandparents because it was the first time any of them had been given the opportunity to hold their first grand-baby! So there were many smiles, and awkward moments of trying to remember how to handle a new born at varying levels of comfort… it was great. And then Chris showed up… with my brother. I was pretty sure only grandparents were allowed in the NICU but I wasn’t going to say anything because I wasn’t sure how strict they were here… turns out, VERY strict. Not only did they kick my brother out, they also said we couldn’t have 4 people at the bedside AND at least one parent had to be present with any visitors. Here’s where things got tricky… Chris hadn’t brought our car. He got a ride with my brother. My brother could go home, but the 4 remaining people could not all be at the bedside together, which meant one of us would always be sitting out. In the end my parents stayed for a short visit while I ate my dinner (I hadn’t been eating very much because I felt too sick to eat) then left us their car when they went home with my brother who had to wait outside the NICU since they wouldn’t let him in.
Chris and I were both feeling pretty drained (seeing as Chris had to go back to work that day) so we decided that after the next feeding with the consultant there to help us (at 8pm) we would pack it in for the night so we could try to get a good rest for the next day. The consultant we worked with that evening was JUST like the one we had worked with in Edmonton! She was lovely, and nurturing, and seemed to really know her stuff. It also helped that James was finally more settled. Partially due to exhaustion, and partially because he’d had some time to adjust to his new surroundings. It went so well. He did a really good job and the consultant was full of great suggestions. She helped me figure out some of James’ cues, suggested that based on the stamina he was demonstrating not to feed him longer than 15 minutes at a time so that he wasn’t burning more calories than he was consuming, and even helped me with some pain relieving options for the mastitis! It was great. After we finished up we headed out into the cold to make our way home.
(For the sake of continuity I don't have a picture of my dad holding him on Friday. This is from Sunday, just in case someone very observant picks up on the difference in James' lines)
My parents had told us where they had parked their car (since that’s what we would be driving home that night) and we headed straight there. But when we got there we couldn’t find their car! Were they towed?! Did someone steal their car?! We saw one car that looked like theirs but the key didn’t work! Walked several streets near by… nothing. So, half frozen at this point (seeing as we’re back in Winnipeg and it’s minus a billion outside - Plus windchill), we called my parents. We followed their verbal directs and ended up back at the car that we thought was theirs but the key didn’t work.
Parents - “Did you push the button?”
Us - “Yes! We pushed the button! We’re frozen! We definitely pushed the button”
Us - “Did you give us the right key?!”
Parents - “Yes, we definitely gave you the right key”
Parents - “Are you using the right keys?!”
Me - *grabbing the keys from Chris and looking at them “Chris… these are YOUR keys!”
Chris - “Oh…”
Parents - *facepalm* (or at least that’s what I imagine them doing at this point via phone).
And that’s how our day ended. I only cried twice out of pain and exhaustion so I think I’m doing ok… ish. But that was Friday. Two more posts coming up tomorrow to catch you up.
*PS - I would have included pictures of my in-laws holding James for the first time but they haven't sent them yet lol. So you'll just have to use your imagination for now. Picture big grins and a furrow-browed baby ;)